We Two Will Protect the Safety of the Earth!

One of the things I love most about CLAMP manga is the multiverse that is formed from their fluid crossovers and sweeping dimensions where the same soul can exist in multiple locations. CLAMP also has fun with this notion through “CLAMP School” and “Horitsuba,” their two massive size fictional schools which incorporate a huge collection of their characters. “CLAMP School,” which is described as having “an enormous campus divided into six class sections: Kindergarten, Elementary, Junior High, High School, University, and Graduate Divisions...[and is] its own insular, functioning society featuring living quarters, labs, movie theaters, hospitals, banks, and various facilities,” includes the CLAMP School Detectives, CLAMP School Defenders, and CLAMP Paranormal Investigators. The CLAMP School also plays a role in X and is also apparently the school of the unlucky Miyuki-chan from Miyuki-chan in Wonderland. “Horitsuba” mainly focuses on the characters of xxxHolic and Tsubasa, but the chapters also include hints of most of CLAMP's character catalog, branching off into Cardcaptor Sakura, X, and Chobits.

As a CLAMP fan, I essentially read all of CLAMP's manga before picking up a work by another mangaka (Fruits Basket being the exception), but CLAMP School Defenders actually took me quite some time to come across. CLAMP manga tend to be strewn with Japanese pop culture references, so I wanted to read an official translation first for added clarity, and as one of CLAMP's early manga, it wasn't incredibly easy to come by. However, thanks to the blessed existence of used book stores, I finally got my hands on it a few years ago and got my next dose of the CLAMP school universe.

The Defenders of CLAMP, suited up in their super sentai gear!

Like the aforementioned Miyuki-chan in Wonderland, CLAMP School Defenders is a gag series. Not only does it poke fun at the “Sentai” genre (which is essentially the Japanese version of shows such as Power Rangers which Western audiences should be more familiar with), but it also playfully jabs at “CLAMPness,” the persona CLAMP had established up until that point. And that persona is what still makes me love/hate them to this day, since they are and always have been Sadistic Lady Mangaka who delight in dangling the carrot in front of their readers and rarely letting them bite.

The CLAMP School Defenders are two young gentlemen, Takeshi and Kentaro, who are tasked with the duty of protecting the sprawling campus from any inside or outside harm. Hand selected by the mysterious General (who is quite obviously Nokoru, the leader of the CLAMP School Detectives), the Defenders are expected to rush out of class the moment their song-signal sounds, disrobe and make their way into their super snazzy Defenders gear, and knock some healthy sense into the offending bad guy(s).

However, no one is supposed to know their identities, which is made pretty difficult by the fact that Kentaro loves dramatically announcing “We're Duklyon, the CLAMP School Defenders,” at the slightest provocation. Luckily, no one ever seems to notice that the two boys rush out whenever the tell tale music plays, providing feeble excuses such as being sick or having a sick relative in order to leave class without trouble. This is a gag series, after all, so everyone remains contentedly oblivious.

Kentaro and Takeshi, Protecting the Safety of the Earth!

Our story begins with Takeshi and Kentaro getting along in the way only CLAMP men can. Takeshi is a determined academic who wants nothing more than to live a normal life, but naturally fails. Kentaro is a boisterous, domestic boy who wants nothing more than to be the perfect bride... to Takeshi. That's CLAMP for you! Anyhow, Takeshi's desire to be normal means that he has to constantly refute Kentaro's way of being, but Kentaro is so persistent and optimistic that he clearly has the leg up in their partnership.

Kotobuki, their otaku-looking classmate, enjoys watching them interact, but seems to have a secret of his own. Two minutes before every occasion the CLAMP Defenders are called into action, Kotobuki also skips class due to “sickness.” He also looks suspiciously like the leader of the Imonoyama Shopping District Association, the bad guys who have a fixation with “taking over” parts of the CLAMP campus in a bid to take over the world!

Kotobuki and Eri as normal students

Naturally, the heroes and villains in this story lurk behind paper thin disguises. No one other then the Defenders themselves, their manager Eri, the General, and the bakery lady who works at Duklyon, the access point to their base, realize who they are. Things get even more hilarious when Kotobuki falls in love with Eri, failing to recognize that she is the EXACT SAME GIRL AS THE ONE LEADING THE CLAMP SCHOOL DEFENDERS EVEN THOUGH SHE BARELY CHANGES HER APPEARANCE WHEN SHE DOES SO. Love is blind, huh? It should also be noted that the fiery and in-charge Eri who is on top of everything and then some can't recognize that Kotobuki is the Imonoyama leader, despite only putting on fabulous make up and a weird costume before holding up the school's cafeteria.

Eri and Kotobuki in disguise. WHO THE HECK ARE THEY!?!!?

The first half mainly focuses on the vitriolic relationship between Takeshi, Kentaro, and Eri, as well as the hammy action sequences where they take down Kotobuki. One of my favorite moments was the chapter where School Detective Akira's alter ago 20 Masks played into the storyline, facing off against the School Defenders for the school play and then kidnapping them on behalf of his two mommies. CLAMP in-references are what fans live for, after all!

The Defenders with 20 Masks (Akira). Hooray for CLAMP cross overs!

The second half shifts the focus away from Takeshi and Kentaro, much to their annoyance, and emphasizes the budding romance between Eri and Kotobuki. Though neither has clued into the fact they're fighting on opposing sides, the connection becomes more evident when Kotobuki, head over heels in love, starts slacking off on his Imonoyama duties. Picking up where he left off, a racy new villain heads the group, pulling off even more dramatic crimes without Kotobuki's knowledge. Who is this villainess?

Turns out... she's Kotobuki's fiancee, newly arrived from another planet to figure out what her betrothed has been up to! Apparently, conquering a lesser planet was supposing to seal their engagement and give them the go ahead to get hitched. Yup- Kotobuki and fiancee are bona fide aliens! It also explains why Kotobuki's evil deeds have only amounted to holding up the cafeteria. He clearly doesn't want to get married to his fiancee, especially not after meeting the spunky Eri!

His fiancee is less than thrilled about by his new-found attachment to Eri, of course, and begins deliberately targeting her in her attacks. Eventually she even drops the bomb that Kotobuki is not only an alien, but heads the Imonoyama Association right to Eri's face. Eri is surprised (as she should be for not being able to figure it out on her own), but has a bomb of her own to drop: she's an alien, too, looking out for the inferior planet Earth!

Eri's big reveal opens the way for her to team up not only with her two Defenders but with Kotobuki himself, who realizes that it's time to fight for love instead of keeping up the appearances of his engagement. And will true love and justice prevail here? This isn't X, so naturally, it does! Kotobuki and Eri win the day and head back to space to get married themselves.

Kentaro and Takeshi totally ship them, after they get over their initial disbelief

And since CLAMP is gentler and kinder in this series, they even let their fans take a bite of the carrot with the epilogue. We see Takeshi graduated and working as a businessman, finally living the normal life he always wanted. But suddenly a familiar song plays in the distance and Kentaro is back on the scene! Turns out Takeshi is working for Kentaro's family's company, and Kentaro still wants to carry on the School Defender tradition! Takeshi is of course violently opposed, but Kentaro pretty much assures him that he CAN NEVER ESCAPE so too bad! Can't run away from CLAMP fate, no matter how much you try! We also learn something that should make all readers smile: Kotobuki and Eri are back on Earth, ready to give the Defenders a helping hand!

CLAMP School Defenders is an excellent gag title, packed with laughs on every page. It brilliantly plays off of the hammy nature of the Sentai genre including the costume changes (Kentaro and Takeshi can change within seconds, always neatly fold their school clothes and hide them, often losing them later), secret bases (slide down the oven of Duklyon bakery and hope no one leaves it on or packed with cookies), and the obliviousness of absolutely EVERYONE (how can no one guess Eri's identity in the Defenders? HOW?). I was laughing throughout the whole thing, remembering all of these tropes from watching Power Rangers as a child.

HEY THERE, SWEET CHEEKS! Every time I get ignored, I'm doing this, too!

If you're looking for seriousness, however, look elsewhere. This is all comedy, all the time. It also helps to be a bit familiar with the CLAMP School Detectives and The Man With 20 Faces, as the in-universe references abound. The series is short, spanning only two volumes, so it also makes for a quick and enjoyable read.

Also, if you want to see these heroes animated, check out the CLAMP School Detectives anime, which features the Defenders, 20 Masks, and Mizuki-chan along with the Detectives. Kentaro, Takeshi, and Eri also pop up in Tsubasa, where they serve as informants to Kurogane and Syaoran in Outo.